Abuse or violence in teen relationships is a more common issue than people realize. The month of February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and is used to educate people on what abuse looks like.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of gender or age. According to Domestic Violence Services of Benton and Franklin Counties, experiencing violence in a relationship from a young age can cause people to fall into a pattern of toxic relationships. This is because they don’t have a model of what a healthy relationship should look like.
Mental Health Professional and Social Worker at Sunnyside High School Terry Shines said these patterns of abuse can also be passed on from generation to generation.
“It goes back to the environment and [parents] will tell their kids to ignore it, just take it, that’s the sad part about it,” Shines said.
Abuse doesn’t always escalate to physical violence. It can also be control over a person by preventing them from seeing loved ones, taking away their phone or verbal abuse. Other times, it can start off with verbal abuse and escalate to physical abuse.
“In sports we say, if it doesn’t feel right, you’re probably doing it right but in this situation, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right,” Shines said.
Prevention Advocate Adrian Calixto with DVS of Benton and Franklin Counties said when it comes to violence, even one person experiencing it is too many people.
According to Calixto, one in every 10 teens 13 to 18-years-old has been intentionally hurt by their partner. Thirty percent of teens have been pressured or known someone who was pressured into sexual contact with their partner. LGBTQ+ teens are also three times more likely to be harmed by their partner intentionally.
These are the reported cases. Calixto said many more go unreported.
“Everybody knows somebody that has either experienced it, gone through it, or is going through it right now,” he said.
Fortunately, there are signs that parents can look out for if they feel something may be out of the ordinary.
“A change in behavior,” Calixto said. “It could be anything from depression to kind of just quiet and shutting down. It could be other things like risky behavior, promiscuity.”
Being trapped in an abusive relationship can also lead to things like self-harm and abuse of drugs or alcohol.
If parents do notice signs like these, it’s important to talk it out. Prevention Advocate for DVS of Benton and Franklin Counties Sylvia Gonzalez said speak to them calmly, like a friend. If something is going on, the next step is to find resources to help.
Several schools in the Yakima Valley offer resources for students experiencing any kind of abuse. Educators are also mandatory reporters.
The Yakima School District has 41 counselors in the district trained to help students, 2 social workers and a mental health counselor.
The Sunnyside School District also has counselors on hand, like Shines, to help students. He said students generally feel comfortable about coming to him with this issue.
“They understand that now, if they come to the counseling office, we’re going to do something about it,” Shines said.
He said usually he speaks with both partners, but keeps it confidential. He also makes sure parents know about the situation.
Shines said many times parents tend to step back as their kids start to get older, but that’s a time when they should be more involved in their life.
“I’m not saying be a helicopter parent, but at least let the kid know you are there,” Shines said.
Outside of school, other resources like the National Teen Dating Abuse hotline are available. the number is 1 (866) 331-9474.
Other resources:
Domestic Violence Services of Benton and Franklin Counties
National Domestic Violence Hotline
